INVITATION

Today I thought of Van Gogh, the night sky he saw in 1889. Let the night be the night!

What a sweet dream I had last night! Sweet and delicious. I keep thinking of it, and for a moment I felt I was living it. I rarely have color dreams now. When I was young almost every night I had colorful and exciting dreams. Sometimes I revisited the same dream for a number of nights. In one dream, I could fly. I had no wings but if I ran faster, I could fly up high in the sky. In another, I was an intellectual in ancient times, bidding farewell to my family and embarking on a long journey to the capital to take the state exam. The most intriguing dream is the one about the two continents, separated only by a narrow strait. I was studying in a university in a big city on the south continent. I boarded a flight to the north, and came to the sea side where the water is cool and blue, the sand white, and the beach ragged with rocks. I can still visualize the two continents, like viewing a map. In another dream, I was swimming by the sea. The water was deep, chilly and blue. The p...

I spent the whole weekend watching the Up Series, from when they were 7 to 49. Great documentary, a worthwhile 20 hours marathon into the life of the participants. It is a panorama of the society from 1964 to 2006, an interesting study of human life, class, work and politics. They made me think and reflect on my own life. Neil probably is the most shocking one. From a lively and bright 7 year old, into a somber subdued 14 teen, and to a homeless casual labor struggling to meet ends meet, his journey into adulthood is of pain and confusion. At 42 he seemed to have made peace with his past and sought solace being a politician. I feel for Jackie, the sweet round faced girl, pretty in the winter coat, running to school with her sister. She started nicely into the career world, working for banks and insurance companies. She looked very professional in 28, but who would imagine that at 35 she became a single parent and worked in a pub. She fought over the notion that she had a sort o...

It rains, and rains, the whole day. Looking out of the office window, to the streets below, everything was gray, everything was like the endless winter days, gloomy and dreary. Summer, short and warm, is coming to its end. The sage is blooming, small pink flowers, and fragrant leaves...delicate and lovely. Oregano's brackets have turned pink, her flowers almost gone, but bees and hover-flies still come. She is growing a few new branches from the root. A sad day, said goodbye to Dhi. It is about time for her to leave, but still... We were once so close, but our differences drew us apart. Tears filled my eyes when I gave her the goodbye hug. Her eyes were red too. She is ready to write the final chapter of her life, a full and meaningful life.

A Blue jay flew over and stopped on top of the grape vine stakes. She had a peanut in her mouth. Something must have alerted her, shortly after she flew to the top of the bushes. She hid the peanut in the bush and flew away quickly. Two crows appeared. They were after her food. They checked the spot the blue jay used to be, digging their beaks in the bush. It didn't take long for one of them to find the peanut. They triumphantly took it away. I watched all these from my balcony, amused by the drama in the animal world. Now I know who buried the peanut in my flower pot. Of course it was a Blue jay. I am used to the humming of bees now, who frequent Kent Beauty everyday. They just can't keep themselves away from her fragrant brackets. Asylums and Veronica blue carpet flowers attract bees too. English lavender is in full bloom. The flowers are lightly scented, not as strong as the leaves. I just love to smell them. I bought a perennial sage Orchid Glow. So far it is still tr...

Gardening keeps me sane. In this pet free building, my flowers and plants are my pets. My heart leaped with joy whenever I go to Garden Works. I like wandering in the lanes of plants and flowers, learning their habits and bring some home. In the past, in the tiny balcony I planted annuals. Year after year, more or less the same annuals that can be purchased from Walmart or Home Depot. But starting from 2011, I tried perennials. Some are successful and some died. As an avid beginner, I always get easy grow ones. But not every easy grow ones are easy to grow. Etain Viola, for example, is a Proven-Winner. I got it a couple of weeks ago. Now the plant is leggy and dying. It turns out to be a very delicate and sensitive plant. It attracts aphids and white flies. I spent hours killing those bugs. I even bought a clay pot for it hoping that the breathing pot will save it from being suffocated by the stuffy porcelain pot it was originally planted in. But no use. It starts to turn yellow,...

A cloudy morning, good for a walk in the woods. Then the sun was out, hot and dry. Beautiful view of the small bay from the top

I am happy to be an average guy. "People who give up freedom for protection don't deserve either." You look after me, pay the bills, feed me and raise me, I give up some of my freedom because you protect me. But that does not mean I should give up my freedom totally. I still want my own life. You should feel lucky that I talk to you with respect. Da. Give me some slack, please. This is messy to you, but to my friends and their parents, it is perfect. Money is not everything. What is important is to have a parent who cares. I kind of feel lucky I am not spoiled. Come on. Smile. You need a hug. You are stressed out. You should relax. Go there, sit down and watch your show. Well, I stayed a bit longer so that he got some quality time with me. He is a decent person, but that does not mean he can be a good father. You want this change, right? So don't stop because you pity him. Pity is not love.

Our Beta fish Phil did eat when I fed him. In the past summers, he would wake up in the early morning when I drew open the curtains. He would swim to the surface waiting to be fed. His appetite was very good as he could eat 3 or 4 pallets. This summer, he is different. He sees the pallets, but does not bite. He simply swims away. He must be hungry because I saw him trying to take the pallets that have sunk to the bottom of the tank. Beta fish are surface eaters, not bottom ones. So this made me think that probably the pallets were no longer fresh. I bought a new bottle of Beta pallets today. When I opened the cap, I was surprised to find the pallets twice the size of the the previous brand. I dropped a few in the tank. Phil was obviously interested in the new brown food. He dashed towards one of them, opened his mouth, but the pallet was too big to fit in. At first I was not sure it was the size problem, so I fed him a few more. He seemed scared of the sight of them, and quickl...

Creating a small garden on my tiny balcony is a challenge. In the past I usually got annuals with showy flowers. As the climate here in BC is quite mild in winter, most annuals lasted until the first frost. But I want a change this year. I want to try some easy grow perennials. Although I spent hours checking balcony garden ideas, it is still hard to find all the right plants that can survive the wet and sunless winter here. The solid balcony fences also leave large area of the balcony in shade. Today I bought another container to re-pot the dianthus. I also planted a baby English lavender beside it as they both like dry soil. The dianthus somehow has grown into a strange shape, but the many red flowers prove her energy and livelihood. Spike Veronica is growing tall, but can't stay tall as it needs stakes to support the long branches. The Lamium is blooming purple flowers. Forget-me-not are also blooming pale pink flowers, hidden inside the dark green leaves, hard to see. ...

They are so cute that even since I saw them a long time ago in a neighbor's garden, I have been wondering what they were. They are the marvel of nature, a perfect presentation of symmetry and geometry. So I found them today. It took me a few hours to drill a drainage hole in my favorite flower pot, but I didn't expect to find them already so large in Garden Works. The pot turned out to be pathetically small. I need to get a larger one, and a white one to match the ruby color. I was planning to get the jade one, but made the last minute decision for the ruby one. I am very happy to get a bunch of English lavender. I will plant them beside the dianthus. She gives me beautiful scarlet flowers even in winter. It is time to reward her. I will find a larger pot and put her and the lavender in. A sunny hot day. ****** Did more gardening today: I re-arranged the hens and chicks in the green pot. While I was doing this, our Beta fish Phil watched attentively from his tank. Phi...

After two weeks of sunshine and blue sky, now on Mother's Day the rain comes. It rains a whole day with tiny breaks. The rain will continue into most of the coming week. It feels like Vancouver, not California, again. I bought steak yesterday though I have no grill. I found this fabulously easy no-grill steak recipe and tried it out today. The result was quite good - juicy and tender steak, and miraculously the smoke detector did not even go off. I took the steak out of the refrigerator 2 hours before cooking time. A hour later, I used paper towel to pad the steak dry. Then I rubbed salt and black pepper on both sides of the steak. Let the steak sit for another hour or so. For cooking I used a cast iron stir-frying pan. I heated it up with medium heat for about 45 seconds. Then I added a teaspoon of vegetable oil, and turned the pan so that oil was spread evenly on the cooking surface. I waited for another 5 to 10 seconds for the oil to get hot enough...

This year, I decide to create a little balcony garden. I used to buy annual flowers every year. This year I decide to get more perennial ones, and I want different shades of color, not just green. So I bought three hardy plants and put them in the wood flower box. They will give me blue, pink and purple flowers through out the summer. I still have the strawberry plant, which does not growing so well. I moved it from the porcelain pot to a plastic pot. I think the porcelain pot is suffocating it because it is thick and does not drain well. Actually any flower I grow in that pot died. I move the Japanese Primrose into it and hope the shade-like plant will break the spell. I also have tomato plants and sweet peas. Harvest is not expected, as the balcony only gets 3 hours of sunshine at day time. More work is expected, however, to fight the invasion of slugs and aphids. The dwarf lilies are easy to care and each year reward me with their bright yellow f...

Today, I laughed a lot. My face beamed with happiness, because of the tomatoes, the asparagus, the Laughing Cow cream cheese, the olive oil and vinegar, and the boiled eggs arranged in a glass plate, with a carved carrot flower in the middle, and Richard smiling from top of the monitor screen. The group of us, each had so much fun, laughed and laughed, when we found a list of good eating places to go. I was extremely happy because there was no plan for the afternoon. The sun was bright, the sky was clear, the wind was warm. Beibei did more to make me hysterically laughing all the way through night. I had to chase after him so that he could stop making those funky gestures and speaking in the funny tone. Weighed myself, gained again. But I know what to blame. It was them cinnamon and honey, a remedy someone gave me, that burned my throat and stomach. Yet, there is a tiny voice to remind me - should you blame yourself for all the delicious biscuits you baked continuously for ...

Almost 50,000 people participated in today's Sun Run. It was chilly and rainy in the morning. The train to downtown Vancouver was crowded. Once we got off at the Granville Station, we found thousands of people already there on Burrard Street. Phoned our friends but they were blocks away and could not come over to meet us at the white block. We waited in patience, in chilly gasps of wind. But our spirits were high. We were full of energy and could not wait to start. The music made our blood boil. Moved a bit further to the starting line. Many people were wearing blue and yellow this year to show their sympathy and support to the Boston Marathon. Like a miracle, the clouds parted and the sun was shining on us. The starting line, with balloons in blue and yellow. Time to run to your best! The Run Run routes through a scenic residential area. Approaching the 9K sign. The finish line was minutes ahead. It was sunny and hot! I completed the 10K in 1 ho...

I was out with a friend in a grocery store. We were chatting casually, bits this, bits that, when I saw  the label "ru..." I didn't give it a second look and picked up the round yellowish root with purple stains. In my mind I was thinking of rhubarb, and the delicious rhubarb muffins I was going to bake, though I didn't really know what rhubarb looked like. Naturally I was wrong. It was a rutabaga I bought, a turnip type of root. Once it was boiled, mashed and buttered with black pepper, it made a wonderful side dish for a teriyaki rib dinner. But I already bought lots of butter, buttermilk, baking powder, etc. lots of baking ingredients. Since the rhubarb muffins were not going to happen, and I could not find any trace of rhubarb in the market, I'd better make good use of the things I had. This resulted in a whole week baking spree to get rid of the buttermilk. I tried biscuits, biscuits and more biscuits, because they were so easy to make. It only takes ha...

I was attracted to Rules of Civility because of its language, which is witty, sharp and structured. I like the choice of words, the tone of language and the long and tangled sentences, which you don't often see in many books nowadays. Mostly I like the observations and comments on human nature. Strangely I don't like any of the characters, though I was captivated by the story. I don't view it as a love story. There is too much under the table, feelings concocted, emotions smothered... Among all the chaos, Kate Kontent, the heroine, remains calm and calculated. Actually she is so calculated, that by the end of the story I feel like reading memoirs written by a middle-aged lawyer or accountant wearing rimless eye glasses. By the end I became a bit tired of her remarks, which seem so petty and trivial, in contrast to what is going on around her in the world. I wish it were on a much broader canvas but again, this is the account of roughly two years of a 20-some young ...

That day, he gave me a notebook to use. It was a hard-covered notebook with lined thick paper. He used only a few pages to jot down some notes. He wanted to tear them away, but I stopped him. I would love to keep your handwriting, I said. I don't know how long he had this notebook, but I suspect it dated back to the mid 90s. What he forgot though, there was a page in the middle of the many blank pages, on which he wrote something very personal. While sitting in class, his mind must be wandering about, lingering on this woman, as beautiful as an exotic orchid flower. He must have felt this urge to write down the poetic sensations she aroused in him at the moment. I kept the notebook for a while, hesitating whether I should be honest and return it to him. One day I pretended to find the page by accident and asked whether he wanted to keep it. My pretension was not very convincing, for he took the notebook and put it away, along with his handwriting I wanted to keep. The rest of t...

Warm and sunny day. There is summer in the air. Toiled half of the day to clean up the balcony. The dwarf Asiatic lilies have broken the soil and are growing many shoots. The sweet pea seeds, which I planted two weeks ago, are sprouting too. The strawberry plant is growing new leaves, and the carnation red flower buds. While I sat on the couch, sipping tea, looking at the neat balcony with satisfaction, I heard a noise coming from the bedroom. The window was wide open, in came sunshine and breezes, and a bumblebee. He must have realized that the visit was not planned, as he was trying to drill a hole in the glass to get out. The buzzing sound was full of anger and frustration. My appearance only added fear to his heart. But I have to touch you, I said. I used a pen to tap upon him so that he could give up the corner and fly to the open window. He was more nervous and tried to squeeze into the tiny space between the track and the window. You will be crushed, I said loudly, a...

Powell's City of Books is a must-go in Portland. Its exterior is not very attractive, but once you are inside, you would be wowed. There are thousands of books, of a variety of topics, old and new, waiting for you to explore. Same book, you can find a bargain and pay sometimes less than 1/3 of the original price for a decent 2nd-hand one. We went there in the evening of our second day, and went back again the third day. I didn't take a photo from outside, so I borrowed this one from the internet. Time to pack and say goodbye to Portland. I somehow feel I haven't explored the city enough to know it better. It is certainly worth a second visit. I will come again in summer time and at least do the following: - join a bike tour - walk across the Steel Bridge - visit the Japanese garden - visit the Rose Garden - hike the Washington Park - and many more... So the train conductor said - Please do remember to take all your personal belongs. Don't worry if yo...

Got up to a cloudy and windy morning. The little cafe at the street corner opened early and at 6:30 there were people having breakfast, business dressed men and women. Our hotel is an old medium height building located in the downtown area. Imagine a 100 year old building modified for today's accommodation... But the Mark Spencer Hotel has more to offer besides the mini-kitchen in each suite and the pop-corn ceiling. It was clean and comfortable, convenient to walk everywhere or take transit. It retains many of the past features, like the red brick walls and ginger color exteriors. This is the Armory building, now a theater. I passed this beautiful church built in the late 1800s. This is the First Presbyterian Church. Downtown commercial area of Portland, red brick streets lined with street car and light rail tracks. OMSI is a must-go for kids. We found it more suitable for younger kids, not early teens. Of course shopping was a big part...

I always wanted to see Portland ever since I saw the high bridges across the rivers on a snowy day. It was an early ride on Amtrak. At 5:30 am the Pacific Station was busy with people. It took us a few times back and forth with the customs to complete all the necessary forms, otherwise the beginning was smooth. The seat was spacious and comfortable. The big windows allowed a good view of the outside.  We passed the lake area, the bridge to Surrey, and entered into a field of green marshland. I kept thinking, amazed by the spectacular view, that I didn't know this place. Are we still in Canada? The coastline curved ahead. For a while it seemed like the train was running on water, that I actually felt the splash of waves against the cart. Small parks dotted the beach line. We passed farm fields, woods and creeks, small towns and stations which looked like just another building in the center of the town. Sometimes, there was no one getting on or off the train. Sometim...

The Magnolia tree in front of our building is about to bloom. The white buds grow bigger each day. On the other side of the street, there is another one full of pink buds. They always bloom in early spring before the wake of other flowers. By the time the flowers fade and the green leaves are fatter, summer is coming. There were nine of them, which I tore and destroyed. Each marked the year I spent, yet it took me only two days to eliminate them. I still have three with me, which I will keep. There is one letter from her I didn't burn. But now I think it is really not necessary. He once said I cherish other's stuff more than my own. He was probably right. He burned whatever was left, so, so long, the passed past... We are defined by our memories, and hastened by our destiny. Life is like a roller coaster that you can only see three feet ahead. Whatever twists and turns there are, we all come to one end. We used to live in this typical oblong courtyard called Siheyuan, onl...

When I bought the Christmas cactus a few years ago, it was only fist size. It keeps growing over the years. Now there are two plants spreading out and the green clay pot is no longer large enough to hold them. Every year in January or February, they give a few flowers, not too many, not overly crowded, just a few to light up the room. The buds were bright purple and but when they bloomed, the color turned to scarlet.

A beautiful sunny day. I walked by the Ice Lake. Ducks were gliding on the water. Many geese too, were there grazing the grass. The moon was up in the clear blue sky. Next week is the Lantern Festival, on the 15th day of the New Year. It marks the end of the Spring Festival celebration. Traditionally we eat rice dumplings, and hang a lantern by the door. It is the day to go to temples, burn incenses to get blessings from gods. Children will go outside after dark, each holding a lighted lantern, to see whose is the most beautiful one. A tent city was set up in front the library building. We went to see what was inside. We found modern lanterns. Not a big site inside but some of the lanterns are quite lovely.

I looked at your photos today. What a joy, my dear Beibei. I know every decision I made was to be with you. I left you because I wanted to be with you. I can still feel your soft cheeks breezed over my face, you little hands and strong legs in my arms. I can still feel your little body, warm and heavy. When I held you you looked at me, you knew me, and you smiled. Some nights, you would not sleep without me. When you were able to talk, you would say - mama, don't go away . I would stay by your bed, hold you hand and wait. Sometimes you would wake up from a noon nap startled and crying. The winter days were dark and cold. You cried bitterly. I would comfort you, holding you tight, humming sweet words to you. You loved bathing, but hated being dressed. Before we towel dried you, you were crawling away happily. Later, when you were older, you would come to me after bath, naked, saying - mama, smell me. I just had a bath and I smell good . You would stretch your lit...

Summer days in the past were not as hot as they are now. We could still wear long sleeves in June. Winter was cold with lots of snow. If a winter went by without two to four feet snow, the elderly ones would worry about drought in the coming spring. School was over. It was just five in the afternoon. The children, eager to go home, waited at the school gate to regroup. My group contains nine children, four boys and five girls. We would walk in a line with two boys in the front and 2 at the back. The leading boy was a 5th grade. He hold a stick in his hand to scare away dogs. The road, which was not paved, but a narrow dirt space between houses, was muddy in raining days and dusty otherwise. Almost every household had a watch dog. They were usually big and unleashed. When they bark, some of the younger ones would cry. We were taught of various techniques to survive dog attacks, but probably when that moment came, we would be lucky if our legs could run. Our school was located ou...

It is hard, I recon, to translate classic Chinese poetry into English. I took a comparative study of English and Chinese classic poetry in college, and have to say, structurally they are incomparable due to huge cultural and language differences. Chinese classics, like the Dream of Red Mansion , the Journey to the West , or the Outlaws of the Marsh , are even more difficult to translate. I have the English translations but they fail to catch the spirit and vividness of the originals. It is interesting to read them side by side, as a reminder of how disparate the two languages are. This is not to deny the humongous work that the scholars had to undergo to complete the project. It is just sometimes impossible to loyally and artistically translate a masterpiece into another language. Of the handful female poets, Li Qingzhao is my favorite. She lived in the late South Song Dynasty (1127-1278), a chaotic period when central China was under constant inva...

I was reading when Beibei came into the room. Sometimes when Beibei is bored, he would turn to me for attention and TLC. So I put down my book and sat beside him. - What happened? I asked. - Nothing. He shook his head. - I just want to be here for a while. His long eye lashes fluttered like butterflies. As I sat close to him, I smelled something from the fleece jacket he was wearing. It smelled like fried rice with egg. I got closer, sniffing. Definitely the cooking smell of fried rice. - You smell like fried rice! I exclaimed. - Really? He sniffed around his clothes a bit, then raised his head, and with that look in his eyes and that smile at the corner of his mouth, before I could protest, he jumped on the bed, up and down on the mattress, giggling and wiggling his body between the sheets, comforters and pillows, trying to smear whatever smell to the stuff on the bed. I pretended hard to be mad, but what I could only do was laughing. I laughed and laughed. We laughe...